How to Mend Fast From a Broken Past Relationship - Part One

I still remember the pain of being divorced. For me, I was a dutiful wife. Exactly what I was raised to be. Unfortunately, we moved to the city and my husband found more exciting 'fish in the sea.' I felt betrayed, angry, and was horrified by the fact that the government was willing to let him walk away, leaving me at the mercy of lawyers.

I never received alimony or the child support I should have - because my friends were telling me that it was better to take what I could get, instead of getting what you were owed and having the lawyer garnish it for 10 years to recoup their fees.

All together, this left me Broken from my Broken relationship.


How to Mend Fast From a Broken Past Relationship - Part One

This three-part series will show you how to be free of the past so you can love with a new outlook and place a high value on your personal self-worth.

Detrimental romances have left too many women with broken promises, broken spirits, and broken hearts. I encourage you to realize right now that you don't ever have to settle for any unhealthy relationship in which you are the Band-Aid to cover up your mate's wound while neglecting your own emotional scars. Instead, be aware that a healthy relationship is a balanced love in which both partners can be the healing balm to each other when needed.

Do you know what's extremely disheartening and defeating at the same time? Due to the Band-Aid type of bonding, when a woman discovers that a man is no good for her (or even dangerous), she stifles her own feelings and still remains in the unhealthy relationship, or she goes back to him even after she had left him.
These women know that those particular men are emotionally unhealthy mates, and many have specifically told me so either in person at my national relationship seminars, or in the hundreds of emails and letters I receive each month.

Let's look at these two examples:

One woman, the president of a well-know national women's beauty pageant group, told me between heart-wrenching sobs that she was in "emotional bondage" to her disrespectful lover, who not only openly cheated on her each month with a number of her co-workers and casual acquaintances, but also made her abort the baby she had been carrying for him.

Another woman, Vicki (not her real name), a professional telemarketer, found out her live-in lover of two years was an undercover drug dealer who had been hiding his drugs and guns in her apartment. Seven months later, she threw him out. But here's the kicker, she didn't evict him because of his illegal and corrupt dealings; she threw him and his clothes out because his "other woman" came to her house to confront her. She took back her keys and changed the locks, but less than three months later, she changed her mind and took him back.
A year after bringing him into her home again, she admitted, "I feel like my life is caving in on me. I know he's not a good influence for my teenage son, but I can't get him out of my system.

You Must Be Bold to Break the Stronghold

After examining Vicki's case along with several others, I found that in each situation the woman separated from the man physically but not emotionally. In a sense, she was locked into an emotional stronghold. She had not released him from her soul. She shared an indefinable bond with him and that's why she gravitated back to him. And until she released him from her complete self-mind, body, and spirit-she continued to fluctuate emotionally.

It was hard for Vicki at first. But, with time and proper coaching, she finally turned her back on her unsuitable boyfriend for good. I also effectively helped the beauty pageant president in the former example to break the chains of "emotional bondage" with the dysfunctional lover through a twofold method that I will share with you here.

First, I brought to the attention of both women ten specific preprogrammed beliefs that promote fear and keep women in turbulent relationships with wrongly selected mates:
10 Misconceptions That Cause Emotional Deception

1) "There aren't any good men left. I might as well stick with the evil I know."

2) "No one else is going to want me."

3) "So what if he cheated; all men do. 10% of something is better than 100% of nothing."

4) "I can't make it on my own."

5) "If I was doing what I was supposed to, he would not have done it."

6) "What will everyone think?"

7) "As long as he takes care of the bills, I better keep my mouth shut."

8) "My children need a father figure around."

9) "He says he loves me and didn't mean to do it."

10) "I want to leave, but the sex is good."

Second, I provided a useful and effective technique to help them break the negative emotional ties. This method is very important because it helps you explore and discover exactly how someone else may be in control of how you feel about yourself. It will be much easier to disconnect from an emotionally disruptive relationship once you get a clear picture on paper of how much negative power he has over you self-value system.

EXERCISE: Getting the Unhealthy Suitor Out of My System

Set some private time aside to take this seven-point quiz. Don't just answer a quick yes or no then jump to the next question. Spend at least ten minutes on each to work through the deep feelings and beliefs that will be attached to each of your answers:

1) Does he make me feel good about myself? Why, or why not?

2) Do I feel safe with him? Why, or why not?

3) Does he protect me from feeling embarrassed or unfulfilled? Why, or why not?

4) Can I trust him to be faithful? Why, or why not?

5) Do I feel attractive and appreciated when I'm around him? Why, or why not?

6) Do I think he's a kind, caring, and honest person? Why, or why not?

7) Would he be a good role model for children? Why, or why not?

Conclusion: If you've answered no more that you've answered yes, you don't have to second guess. It's time to cut the emotional string with this dysfunctional and unhealthy fling!

In the second part of this series, I will give you a short-cut, precise and valuable 12-Stage Relationship Recovery Guide. We will also look at how to empty relationship baggage by clearing out any "hidden" toxic emotional build-up that may be unconsciously blocking your blessings. Remember always: you deserve the very best!

Dr. Grace Cornish Livingstone, on-air psychologist for the former Queen Latifah TV show, is one of America's foremost relationship consultants. An award-winning, bestselling author of ten books, she is the popular relationship columnist for the London-based Pride magazine. For Dr. Grace's relationship books and CDs visit www.myhealthylove.com


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