Building Bridges

Most of my friends have been divorced two or three times. I've been divorced once. My new husband has been divorced once. We made a commitment to make our second marriage work. And, it was hard. We were well into our new marriage before we realized that a relationship is a lot of work.

Like most of us, I went into my first marriage with the belief that my husband was suppose to solve all my problems. He entered thinking that I had no purpose on life, except to make him hot and happy. It was a doomed to fail.


Building Bridges

In every relationship, there must be open communication, communication of your dreams, hopes, fears and insecurities. If you cannot communicate with your partner, explore the reasons why, right from the outset. Don't leave it until it's too late. Don't leave your feelings bottled up until you implode in frustration, or the feelings spill over and cause irreparable damage to your relationship.

The discussions should be conducted over dinner, a stroll in the park or any relaxed setting. They should never be conducted via sms or even a phone call. If the other party is afraid to meet you, or is avoiding you because of his/her fear of confrontation, give him/her a chance to come to terms with the inevitable. But if he/she consistently refuses to confront the issues at stake, then it is reasonable for you to let go, and say, "I would love to discuss our relationship with you, so as to understand you better, and so you can understand my point of view better. I have given you the space for a meaningful discussion, but each time, you pull away. Can I help in any way?" If that person still pulls away, then walk away from the relationship and wish him/her all the best. Nobody is right or wrong. It's just the wrong time and wrong place.

Of course, it's easier said than done. Letting go when the time is ripe comes with experience. Rest assured that in time to come, you too can let go and still have peace of mind.

Women tend to have difficulties letting go, and there are myriad reasons for this. Some feel afraid they may never find the "right one", and so they settle for less. Some feel intense guilt about abandoning their "baby".

But the best thing you could do for someone you love, is to let go of that person. If it's meant to be, that person will come back to you some day, and take you in his arms, have a stroll with you in the park, and let you lean on his shoulders, making you feel safe and secure. I would have done the his/her thing except, it's not really a woman's role, is it?

Leona Lo is the author of "From Leonard to Leona: A Singapore Transsexual's Journey to Womanhood". Log on to www.leonalo.com for more information about the author


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